The problems that surface in relationships stem mostly from our hurts and traumas that we carry over from childhood. These lie dormant until we find a partner whom we love and trust. We then become vulnerable and our partner can either help us to heal or can hurt us.
Sometimes the problems are to do with culture, geography and lifestyle. Either we live in different places, come from different cultures or religions, have different needs or desires in life, or are at different places in our developmental cycles. So, even though love is present, it is often not enough to form an enduring partnership.
Some relationships start with a lot of hopes but often end in a painful way that forces us to confront our fantasies, romantic dreams or illusions. Without realizing it, we were projecting our unmet needs and unrealistic expectations onto the other, not really seeing who the other is and who we are. Confronting our relationship issues often means looking honestly at our projections.
A common problem is the lack of a healthy differentiation, when each individual seems to have two incompatible sets of needs, for instance for love and aloneness – or we can say – for merging and for freedom. But there is also a deeper and more creative perspective from which to examine problems in relationships.
Relationship problems are in fact the creative problems of life; they are part of a natural emotional and spiritual maturation that give us the opportunity to look deeply into ourselves. And this is the gift we have received from Osho: the understanding that we can use our relationships to wake up.