Dare to Listen Podcast June 2020
Vasu Hancock joins the podcast again for another conversation on how our wounding impacts and distorts how we see the world and experience intimate (including sexual) relationships. Today's conversation pivots around the Mystified Child Wound, how we can move from the mystified to the mystical. Vasu outlines various mystified aspects -- hopeful, expectation, hopeless, mistrust, controlling; which are wound adaptations.
Vasu first joined Dare to Listen to share about the Abandonment Wound. Vasu and Nameh explore..
Nameh Marsin and I spoke about - Abandonment Wounds - in early June 2020. You can listen here:
Dare to Listen Podcast June 2020
Today's conversation focuses on the complexities of the abandonment wound. Vasumati (Vasu) Hancock has spent 40 years understanding emotions and sexuality, working with individuals and couples. Her passion for clarity and the empowerment that comes through knowing ourselves is palpable. She's a therapist and tantra teacher with a great depth of wisdom. Vasu defines the types of abandonment and how these wounds play out in our relationships. Within relationships we might see the duality of a dependent or an anti-dependent. How these two approaches translate in meeting our needs. How fear can be a doorway to deepen intimacy. Relationships can be the deep place of healing. Editing this episode, I realized a truth. Society have abandoned marginalized communities. I include myself here. The lived Black, Indigenous, people of color, and LGBTQI experiences have not been acknowledged and given the needed care. I offer this framing so you can tune into the truth of this additional abandonment.
I recently was interviewed on the LoveOsho Podcast. It was a really fun talk, and Swaram put forth very good questions to get me thinking. We spoke over a range of topics, including my coming to Osho, Osho´s unique insights on Relationships, and my Therapeutic experiences integrating Osho´s views in my work.
You can listen here....
The problems that surface in relationships stem mostly from our hurts and traumas that we carry over from childhood. These lie dormant until we find a partner whom we love and trust. We then become vulnerable and our partner can either help us to heal or can hurt us.
Sometimes the problems are to do with culture, geography and lifestyle. Either we live in different places, come from different cultures or religions, have different needs or desires in life, or are at different places in our developmental cycles. So, even though love is present, it is often not enough to form an enduring partnership.
Some relationships start with a lot of hopes but often end in a painful way that forces us to confront our fantasies, romantic dreams or illusions. Without realizing it, we were projecting our unmet needs and unrealistic expectations onto the other, not really seeing who the other is and who we are. Confronting our relationship issues often means looking honestly at our projections.
A common problem is the lack of a healthy differentiation, when each individual seems to have two incompatible sets of needs, for instance for love and aloneness – or we can say – for merging and for freedom. But there is also a deeper and more creative perspective from which to examine problems in relationships.
Relationship problems are in fact the creative problems of life; they are part of a natural emotional and spiritual maturation that give us the opportunity to look deeply into ourselves. And this is the gift we have received from Osho: the understanding that we can use our relationships to wake up.